{Five Minute Friday} Belong

Today’s Five Minute Friday is hosted by the luminous Crystal Stine. The idea of Five Minute Friday is to write based on a prompt for five minutes straight – unedited, unleashed, unfettered.

And so without further ado, I give you today’s prompt: Belong

START 

Belong. The little girl inside me reaches for that word, wants to taste it and feel it and wrap it around like a hug.

There’s never been a sense of belonging. I’ve always been cursed to be the nomad, settling in a place for a time, but never sinking down roots, a potted plant that’s moved from place to place. If I were to travel the stars and galaxies or plumb the depths of the oceans or travel every country, I doubt I’d ever find a place where I truly, fully belong.

My heart’s a nomad’s heart, a wanderer and a wayfarer, a searcher and a yearner who is lost but seems never to be found.

There have been people along the way that almost felt like home. There have been instances where my heart rests for a moment and I think that this could be it, perhaps, but I have no roots to sink into the ground, even if it was my desire.

It’s as if my roots have been seared off.

Yet the flip side to this is that everywhere I wander, I carry a piece of “home” with me and am able to blend in everywhere. Though I might not fully belong to a people or a place, nor even myself, I can still adapt to wherever I find myself and blend in, pretending to belong, a perpetual outsider moving through. In each new place, I throw myself into my new surroundings with abandon, dancing the dance, forming quick relationships, but always under my bed is a packed suitcase.

Just in case.

STOP

 

 

 

 

Time

Time is an insistent river

Currents never slowing

Impervious to

The people and things it’s bearing

Towards a future yet unseen

But I

am caught beneath the surface

Floundering and spinning

Trying to survive

Popping up for air and gasping

And miles from where I went in

glass song

Wet fingertip
Idling in circles
Caressing glass mouth
Stretched wide
Round and round and round
Coaxing that deep song
Warbling at first
Then steady, confident
Spinning drowned woes
Into songs of hope

Five Minute Friday: Exhale

{Five Minute Friday is a brilliant blog exercise started by the lovely and eloquent Lisa-Jo Baker. The idea is that, the world over, we gather together and write completely unedited for five minutes. We turn off that inner critic, the one who says we have nothing to say. That our stories and words are too small. No one will listen. And we take a deep breath, set the timer, and let it out.

Today’s prompt is Exhale.}

Exhale. 

It is finished. My soul work. My soul distilled into over 10,000 words of fiction. 

Pain and hope crafted and forged into words and story that hopefully will reach beyond me and touch others. 

And now I let it rest. I put this soul work aside for a month before I revisit it. 

And sit back. And wait. And watch. Entering into this season of exhalation is difficult. Oh, this, this waiting, this resting of the mind and hands, I am not good at it. 

It’s frightening. 

it’s not where I want to be, if I’m quiet honest with myself. 

Because i want this, this thing that I’ve poured so much of myself into, to be right and perfect and good. It’s nakedness and hope and fear and joy. It’s me. Or at least, it’s a part of me. 

And I’m far more comfortable working feverishly, fingers outyping the shadows that nip at my heels day in and day out. 

But there is a time for fast typing and crafting. And there’s a time for waiting. 

Exhale. 

It’ll be okay. 

Exhale. 

Breathe, baby girl, breathe. 

This is my daily refrain. this is what I say when I wake up and when I do dishes and comfort baby-cries and husband sighs and then lay myself down to rest. Exhale. Don’t hold it in till you explode. 

Waiting is the hardest part sometimes. 

But it is also healing and necessary. The exhalation releases the toxins, it releases the tension. 

Besides, if I never exhale, I’ll never again get to inhale. 

Casting Off the Bowlines…

Today is the day that I cast off the bowlines. 

I have finally created my authorial blog. 

Why, you may ask, an authorial blog considering that I am not published and that there are many floating about on the internet? 

First of all, it’s because I finished draft one of my novel. It is now simmering in the recesses of my computer and in the meantime, lacking a project, I will write nonfiction on this blog. 

Second of all, I’m serious about being a writer. This is an important decision in every writer’s life, if they’re going to make it. You either write no matter what or you don’t. And I’d die without writing. Perhaps not physically, but it’d be a soul-death, a shriveling up of everything that is in me. 

And so here, in Ink Sea, words will have free reign. I’ll explore what makes story compelling, what it is about a story that makes a person come back. And here, all story is open for question – everything from Disney’s Tangled to Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. Because in all honestly, no matter how the story is shared, at the heart, good stories, great stories, will grab us in the gut and not let go. Why do certain novels or movies or songs stay with me, curling in the back of my mind for years? That’s what I want to examine here. 

Here all are welcome to share about story. Your favorite stories, your least favorite stories, what works and what doesn’t.

Stories, after all, are life distilled.

Stories are how we deal with life. In story, we see truths that otherwise might be difficult for the human soul to digest. Stories encapsulate truth and beauty and pain and infuses it gently into our souls.

And so. I am casting of the bowlines and sailing deep into a sea of ink and ideas and stories.

I hope that you’ll join me.

It’s bound to be a beautiful, crazy ride.