“You’ve changed.”

It’s an accusation coming from their lips.

But I take it. Swallow it. It’s true. I have changed.

So many fundamental things are in flux. And at first I panicked. Now I’m floating, trusting it’ll work itself out, doing my best to survive and navigate.

My current beliefs and doubts and struggles were always there, little seeds fermenting in the dark soil of my soul. They were growing under the harsh sun of my certainty, the lies I told myself and the world for a long time. I had such confidence.

Well now my plants of sprouted. And no one seems to like the little plants. Perhaps they wanted flowers where I was growing a cactus. It might not be pretty, but I am pleased. At least it’s alive. It’s real and it’s tough and can survive the arid dessert of doubt and fear and all the other shit life has tossed at me.

I don’t pray anymore. I fling pleas to heaven now. “Please be there. Please …” that is all I can bring myself to say.

And I keep trudging on. I keep tending my cactus. It’s mine, and it’s alive.

That’s something.


Coming Out: Stop Hating the LGBT+ community

In the United States right now, it is legal to murder a certain type of person.

Did you know that if you murder a trans person, you will not be convicted of murder? I’m sorry but this sickens me. And if you are a Christian reading this, it needs to sicken you. If it doesn’t, you have lost what Jesus intended for humans.

This post is really me coming out as an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. An open ally because I have met some beautiful people through work and other ventures and despite the noise from the church that these precious people who were created in God’s image are “disgusting” and “vulgar” and generally less-than, I’ve found that they are actually creative, kind, beautiful – and grossly oppressed.

Many of you will unfriend me over this and many of you will hate me. I’m sure you’ll tell me, O Christians, that I’m going to hell for this. That I’m in error.

And quite frankly that’s okay. Because I’ve read the Bible. I’ve studied and listened. And homosexuality isn’t mentioned all that often. In fact, one frequently quoted passage against is now held as not to be against homosexuality, but against complete lack of sexual restraint – sexual gluttony as it were.

But in all honesty, I am not asking you to debate whether or not it’s a sin. I’m asking you to stand with and love these people.

No qualifications.

Not with rubber gloves.

No “buts.”

Just love.

After all, isn’t this what Jesus called us to do?

In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus said that the most important thing – all laws which includes shellfish and sexual laws and cleanliness and what we eat and Sabbath – all hang on how we love each other.

“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

And then again in Galations 3:28, he states that we not to see each other differently, that Christ’s blood erases boundaries that to humans may seem inseparable.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Emphasis mine).

On a personal note, I’ll add that if you’ve ever truly known me, this will not surprise you. I’ve always had a heart for those outcast, those trodden down by oppression and oppressive attitudes, the outsiders, the ones who walk boldly to their own drums. And I’ve been silent long enough. I’ve listened and cringed as you who are called to love boldly as no one has loved before spit out slurs and write off two people kissing as “icky” and “perverted” and “gross.”

They’re people. They’re your neighbors. They’re your coworkers. And they’re listening. And hurting – often in silence.

It’s worth noting that Christians of old used similar language against people of color and other ethnicities back in the day – especially black people. We loved them but wouldn’t let them in our bathrooms lest they infect us with their “exotic disease.” Their men were seen as perverted animals. Their women as seductive tramps.

Thankfully we’ve (mostly) moved away from that. But now we treat the LGBT community the same way.

And so this is me, standing in the gap and saying enough. Saying this isn’t Christian. This isn’t loving. And these people are hurting.

Aren’t we here to help the hurting?

Can’t you let God do the judging and just actually get to know people without making rude, frequent comments about how you “don’t agree with your lifestyle?”

That’s what I’m doing.

Feel free to write me off, unfriend me, cut me out of your life. If that is what it costs to radically and genuinely love people, I am totally cool with that.

And I think Jesus would be too.

Fus out.